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Amid scandal, Kanye West finally sues Alpha Phi over licensing

greek life


George Washington University


- satire

Amid scandal, Kanye West finally sues Alpha Phi over licensing


EAST END, WASHINGTON D.C.— Kanye West filed a lawsuit this week, suing the GWU chapter of Alpha Phi for using his songs, logos, and merchandise without approval. The sorority refused to settle the case out of court and on Thursday, the chapter's executive board appeared before into the Washington District Court for the trial. The board's fellow sisters also attended the hearing, defiantly clad in their “I Feel AΦ” longsleeves.

After a Kardashian family huddle, during which West sat in the middle, Kris Jenner let the cameras know that she is taking the role of momager/legal representative to Kanye in this legal process. When called to the bench, Jenner took three minutes to lighten the mood by playing some of West’s early classics from her phone. Both the plaintiffs and the defendants used this break to snap filtered selfies, each with their own, uniquely offensive undertones. The Alpha Phi sisters spent the intermission collectively uploading three hundred and twenty new pictures to their Tumblr page, the content of which was later used as evidence. Kris’s glam squad then hooked up a flat screen with slides showing the evidence. This included images of t-shirts bearing incriminating phrases such as things like: “No More Parties in D.C.”, “I need to know right now if you’re as PHreak or not,” and of course “Welcome to the Good Life: AΦ.” All of the evidence appeared to have been printed in gothic off-white lettering on cheap sweatshirt fabric, to the horror of West's supporters.

Kanye West remained silent throughout the deliberations. "Mr. West's silence is, we believe, the most on-brand thing for Kanye to do in the moment," said the prosecution's marketing agent, Kyle Gramahan. "Kanye has much respect and love for his fans but will not hesitate to exercise his rights as a taste maker.”

Time will tell whether or not this approach succeeds within a court of law. This case may set Kanye West on the path to the Presidency of the United States. According to one man standing outside the courtroom comments, “Now that I have seen Kanye in a suit, I can definitely see voting for him in the next election.”