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'Twas the Night of all Nights




- satire

'Twas the Night of all Nights

That joyous time of year when family, friends, and anxiety can all come together.

Meghan Norair


‘Twas the night of all nights, when all through the house
All the creatures were stirring, Aunt with a drink down her blouse;
The bottles were popping and nursed with care,
In hopes that my A+++ grades soon would be there;

The children were wrestling all out of their beds,
While visions of dinner danced in our heads;
And mamma in her apron, threatening to slap,
Anyone not helping: “Come on! Give a crap!”

When out from kitchen there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my hiding spot to see what was the matter.
Away down the hallway I flew like a flash,
Pushed children aside and acted quite brash.

The face on my uncle, he was sure to blow.
Like Kim Cates when she sees a fake, ya know?
When what to my sensitive ears should I hear?
But talk of politics; yes, this is that holiday cheer!

With all twenty people yelling, I must act quick,
I knew in a moment alcohol would do the trick.
More rapid than Dukeblue they at last became tame,
However now, they called me by name;

“Now Meghan you know what your degree should have been?
Something more useful to help yourself begin.
We by no means want to spark another brawl,
But what’re you doing with your life? Did Duke help at all?”

As weight of the pressure beat down I could cry,
Do they not understand anything! All I do is try.
So out of my mouth the usual words they flew,
Mumblings about working hard plus an “Oh and how are you?”

At last, came a savior with a sharp, loud “woof”
and my dog distracted all, thank god for that goof.
As I drank my drank, and was turning around,
Someone finally said “don’t worry we are proud.”

I was tired and drunk, but dinner was afoot,
And the food looked amazing so I just stayed put.
We raced to the table as if on a track.
My family ran, like drunk college kids to snacks.

For a few lovely moments all seemed so merry
But it would not last long; things were bound to get scary.
What was even left to talk about though?
Wed hit all the bases. My future, politics- oh wait, I know!

The leg of a turkey Uncle held tight in his teeth,
I now knew that Grandma would love to start some beef.
He had a broad face and a very large beer belly,
That he flaunted about, making even Santa jelly.

“I don’t feel like losing weight” he said to myself
and then turned Grandma “put that idea back on the shelf.”
A look in his eye and a nod of her head,
Was luckily enough to put that topic to bed.

Dinner was awesome; nobody got murked.
It was more bearable than watching girls at Shooters twerk.
Nobody can say that we don’t have a blast,
At the end of it all I wish longer it would last.

And even though there was stepping on toes,
It is always very sad to see family go.
I exclaimed after them as they walked out of sight,
Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night!